Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Smarter Than the Machine

Thinking of trying this one out. http://www.inhabitots.com/diy-wrap-baby-carriers/

I am not a seamstress by any means but I have been increasingly irritated with myself that I can't sew something simple. I think it is ridiculous to pay someone $10 to hem a pair of pants for which I only paid $24. There are just a few little jobs here and there I would like to do and I have a machine. I just don't know how to work the damn thing.

Anyway, like I need a new baby carrier. But it seems really simple and Tommy loves being on my back like a monkey baby ("Bobo, Mama, Bobo! Please!"--- a reference to the Hug book during which Bobo and Mommy find each other again--- it was the first book he could "read" out loud so all monkeys are "bobos" in our house.)

We still use the mei tai carrier sometimes but as he gets heavier and my right shoulder gets more and more jacked up, the straps become more painful. We also use the big ole honking Kelty backpack for walks in the snow but that is so damn bulky.

The point is not necessarily that I need another carrier. It just seems like a project I could actually do and if I mess it up, I can still use it. It is basically sewing a big trapezoid. How are can that be? HA!

I will report back when I manage to turn the damn machine on successfully. Wish me luck! Or patience or something like that.

Other projects:
Sewing cute patches on clothing (I got one for Stephen for Christmas and promised I would attach it for him).
Making fleece mufflers for kids and me. ****(might start with this one. it would be timely to finish this before the crocus come up and maybe it would be easier than managing 6 yards of fabric all at once.)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

End of an Era

I will never nurse anyone again. All of a sudden, it all feels very final and sad to me. While I think T and I had both been ready to give it up for a while, it just seems like it happened so fast. I think I need some sort of closure--- a funeral or celebratory cake or something.

For the past year, he has only nursed at night and first thing in the morning. There have been MANY nights when I have said to myself, or sometimes out loud, that I was "so over this nursing shit". But then the sun would come up and my sanity would return. I would get to stay under the covers longer than Papa nursing my little man and I would be so filled with love and joy and pride all over again. I know some of it is purely hormonal but the difference in feeling and emotion when it is the dark of night and the early morning dawn is the difference between, well, night and day.

For the past few months, he would sometimes skip a morning nurse but usually still want to nurse around 1 or 2am. Sometimes Stephen would go get him and bring him to bed. I would pretend to still be sleeping and T would just snuggle up and fall back asleep. I had been wanting him to stop night-nursing, right?

Then why am I so sad about it? I think it just happened without me noticing and that makes me sad. I just realized on Saturday morning that I couldn't remember the last time we had nursed. He hadn't asked for it, with his little sweet finger to lips bubbly sound, in many days--- at least five. So, I figured, that's that. I guess we are done and I am OK. I talked about it a bit on Saturday and started to feel more and more sad about it throughout the day.

I was completely unprepared for his sweet little bubbly request mid-day Sunday just before his nap. He hadn't nursed in the middle of the day for months. He looked up at me as I rocked him and asked. I took a deep breath and for a moment, thought about nursing. Then I realized it had been such an easy transition for us and I would only be going back to it to make me feel momentarily better. The transition might be much for painful next time. So I told him that Mama's Milk was gone and that we couldn't nurse anymore. I am certain that I talked and talked and explained it way more than I needed to. He seemed completely fine with it, snuggled up to me extra tight and fell fast asleep.

Sigh... He hasn't brought it up again. He seems completely fine with it. It just all seems so final. No more kids--- we made that decision. But now it feels like my baby has just moved right on. I am happy, proud, ready. And still a little sad.