Oh my Gawd! 32G!

I realize that I am an incredibly sporadic blogger-- when it comes to frequency as well as topic choice.

I have devoted absolutely no space to a pretty big deal in my life these days. NO... not a boob job. I am pregnant-- 21 weeks along to be exact.

I am feeling really good considering last time around I was able to take naps whenever I wanted and received MUCH more pampering from dear husband. Well, this time around life keeps me... more tired. I do feel great, though. Some of the same issues as last time but now I know lots more about my body and how to manage things.

Except for one thing. My boobs are HUGE and I am only halfway along. Let's not even talk about nursing!

One thing that I did for myself once I was pretty much done nursing (down to "two a days") was that my friend (my well-endowed and long-time nursing co-worker) and I played hooky from work one day and went to visit the famous Margaret at Marshall Field's/Macy's/Hudson's. She is an older (75?) German lady who is NOT afraid to feel you up. I had gone through my life in ill-fitting bras and have decided that 90% of women must do the same.

I had been measured a ton of times--- Victoria Secret, Hudson's, bra shops in outlet malls-- you name it. People always said different things so I would go back to what I thought worked--- 36D. Then I had a kid and everything changed so I asked Margaret to remeasure me. Well, one thing I know for sure is that after having a kid, no one goes from a 36 to 32. Physiologically, it just can't happen. Maybe your rib cage can get bigger but not smaller.

Anyway, she spent over 2 hours with both of us and we came away calling that Tuesday, "the day that changed our lives". I found out that I was a 32D and that very few companies even make that size and that even fewer stores carry it.

So, I have spent the last 18 months in really ugly beige bras that FIT! They don't ride up in back. They actually "lift and separate". They cost a lot of money as I can no longer get deals at Kohl's. I am relegated to the "never-on-sale" Wacoal brand at Macy's. Every few months, I drop $60 on ONE bra and wear it to death. Bras have moved from "Sarah's fanciful spending money account" to the "family necessity account" like eye glasses and dental cleanings.

Well, a few months ago, when I first found out I was pregnant (because of my huge chest I woke up with one day that ached like nothing else could), I lucked out at Marshall's (actually afore-mentioned friend called to tip me off) and hit the jackpot! They had a ton of Wacoal's bras on sale for $20-25. I stocked up on four 32DD as the girls were growing each day.

After several painful weeks of ripping off the bra as soon as possible at the end of each day, I finally went shopping for some new bras. I know the leap from 32DD to 32G may not sound that huge to some but it puts me in the "circus freak" category in my mind. This term came to mind a few weeks ago in that Bali/Hanes store in the outlet mall. It is an entire bra store with nothing but ugly grandma bras. I was sure to find what I needed. After trying on several 32DD that didn't even contain my flesh, I stormed out cussing and in near tears with the term "circus freak" imprinted in my mind. That particular day, I was with my mom and suddenly remembered the same horrible scene from my teen years happening over and over again.

I HATED bra and swimsuit shopping for so long and then, thanks to Margaret, had this brief little window of comfort when I could walk into a store and pick out a bra and have it fit and buy it. Thank you Margaret from the Macy's at Crossroads Mall! (I have already done one of those Customer Reply things that says how awesome she is but I might need to do another.)

She was there the other night as I purchased my 32G. She played chase with my 3-year-old in the racks like a little kid and I went home smelling the comforting scent of old-lady perfume on my shirt from Margaret's hugs.

The Big Payback

Mere minutes ago we were enjoying a relaxing, pre-rest time lunch when L asked Papa a simple enough question (I don't even remember what it was). He paused and said, "Because..." (I think he was fully intending to continue his answer). L jumped in with a snarky, "'Because' is not a reason, Papa."

Ouch! He deserves it, though, and we all laughed our asses off. Of course, I don't think L had any idea why we both found it so hilarious but she loves a good hearty laugh.

This is the first time I have seen her burn him so thoroughly with his own words and I couldn't hold it together. I don't think she even meant to be so snotty. She's right, it isn't a reason.

The "Stephen-ism" that I get often from her that fills me with ire is when I ask, "Will you please do me a favor?" and she replies with, "What is it?"

I live with two of these people now! I have NEVER asked either of them to do anything remotely out of the ordinary-- like clip my toenails for me or scour the garbage can with their toothbrush. It is usually something along the lines of bringing me a screwdriver while I stand on this chair repairing YOUR light bulb or easier still, mopping up the water YOU spilled. Just say, "Yes!" when I ask for help.

Finally, he was on the receiving end of it... Ahhhh....
(I know I am getting an unhealthy amount of pleasure from this-- Oh well.)

Shutterbug

Last post of the day, I promise.

L took some photos today and I wanted to include them for your viewing enjoyment. They are:

1) Photo of Mama and Papa that she took in early morning mist after we each posed with her.

2) Photo of tent drying in the sun near Steven's house.

3) Photo of the "pretty trees" near her favorite log.

The Best 4th (and 5th) of July Ever

Let me begin by saying that this holiday does not carry the kind of expectations that other holidays do for me. I kind of hate fireworks. Sure, they are pretty and all but I generally consider them a colossal waste of money and would rather just get together for a cook-out without the forced need to stay up past dark (10:30pm in these parts) and run the risk of a late night visit to the ER with your drunk Uncle Mickey who was trying to show off.

Since we bought this house in 2003, my loathing for the alleged "holiday" has grown. Our neighbors don't just blow up things for the hour or two on either side of dusk on the 4th itself. The folks in this neighborhood blow up things for weeks preceding the 4th and do it all night long. You'll be lying there asleep after hours of it and some punter will start up again at 3:30am complete with howling and applause for himself. My anger at this behavior was only made worse in recent years by the birth of our child for whom I expect complete and total silence after 7:30pm EVERY night, I don't care how close we are to Indiana and its loosey-goosey fireworks laws!

This year, I suggested a camping trip but the Papa did not bite. Understandably, he did not want to brave a different kind of idiocy---drunk, late night camping idiocy with only a thin nylon sheet separating you from the revelers.

Mid-week, we had this fabulous idea! We decided to invite ourselves to our friend's house in the country for dinner and camp in his back yard! This friend, Steven, and I played phone tag all week and in the end, we headed out to his place on the afternoon of the 4th (after a fun-filled day of bike-riding and swinging--see below). As it turns out, this normally anti-social bachelor had invited all sorts of people and we ended up with a rollicking party on his back deck. Pesto minutes fresh from the garden, sweet peas, brats, chicken on the grill, watermelon and of course, L's first taste of the heaven that is s'mores.

This is a picture of L being helped by my friend Sheila who claims to really hate kids. Whatever, Sheila: I have proof and it is going out all over cyberspace.

The evening of the 4th was a hugely successful good time. We headed to bed just as L seemed to be hitting that comatose stage when I normally anticipate full meltdown. We got bundled up and zipped ourselves in the tent, watched the sunset out of the mesh window, listened to the beginning of the fireworks craziness and fell asleep. I was a little concerned that my little creature of habit would struggle getting to sleep without her Bath Snack Book routine but we just held hands and snuggled and she was out before the real craziness began.

I think I thought folks out in the country didn't do fireworks. WRONG! Our friend Steven lives out there in the POBox-only country (as opposed to developed-subdivison-on-old-farmland country) and folks had PLENTY of illegal fireworks. The great thing was they shot them all off at dusk or close to it so there were done by 11:30 or so. No Vine Neighborhood TET Offensive to which I had grown accustomed. We all slept well all night long (with the exception of Papa's bouts of tent-induced claustrophobia but that is another blog).

We woke to a beautiful sunny, misty morning. L squatted in the field for her morning pee (I get a huge kick out of the fact that she is a pro at squatting to pee in outdoorsy settings). Blue the Dog came to visit us early. We followed her down to the house with the intention of asking Steven to join us at a nearby greasy spoon for breakfast but he was already cooking the bacon! Seriously, free camping in a gorgeous setting and then breakfast served! DEFINITELY the best set-up a lazy car camper could ask for! (The following photos capture the early morning mist.)

L and I started picking black raspberries and packing things up (this mostly consisted of moving all the dew-soaked stuff to sunny spots for drying) while Steven made us all bacon, fried potatoes (in bacon grease) and scrambled eggs with herbs fresh from the garden. L got to help pick the herbs and find frogs and hug Blue the Dog a lot and try to catch Mia the Cat.

All in all, I think the best part of it was watching her little self head up the hill (with just Blue by her side) knowing that the worst that might happen would be a bug bite or a scratch. Raising a kid in the city wears on me sometimes and it was so wonderful to watch her be so free and safe and enjoying every second of all that nature has to offer her.

The Bike

L's little friend G is so amazingly generous with her. When I told G's mom that we were in the market for a 2-wheeler bike this past spring, G promptly hauled out and dusted off her teeny-tiny Dora bike and pink butterfly helmet.

It only took her mom and I 2 months to get the girls together for the hand-off-- but what a gift-giving event it was! Here are some pics of the girls riding around on their bikes. They rode a few doors down to cruise the track (and swing!) at G's school park.

She is 2 1/2 years older than L and always referred to L as her "little sister". Some months we do a better job than others of getting them together but whenever we do, I am reminded how great they are together. G is such a gentle little soul and so kind to L. She seems especially to get a kick out of handing off her really special toys/gear for L to enjoy. L's all-time favorite dolls still consist of one of the "twins" G gave her years ago. An amazingly sweet testament to their friendship, I think. (Explanation: The "twins" are two identical dolls from Target but one is lily-white like L and the other is light brown like G and I think it is the sweetest thing in the world every time she refers to them as "the twins".)

Story Time

So... our digital camera has video with audio but the audio is always garbled. Here is the hilarious cuteness translated:

L reading about Poppleton to her twins-- GraceBaby and Baby. Notices me and after a long pause, says, "Don't take my picture right now. I am reading to my babies."

I can hardly take her hilarity sometimes.

The Pinata Syndrome

It has been a good week. Luna had her last day of B&R preschool last week. We celebrated with a field trip to a local park. This was just the beginning of my long strange trip obsessing about my daughter's social interactions. B&R is such a sweet little hippy-dippy place. The teachers have mostly been there for decades and they work so hard to create a loving safe space for the kids. One of the reasons I was initially attracted to the place is because they actively work to downplay so much of the commercialized gender crap that kids are swimming in these days. I know firsthand that no matter how hard you can consciously (and unconsciously) work to alleviate some of these pressures, you might end up with a princess or a hardcore hulk. However, I love to find little havens safe from the reach of Disney's evil empire. I digress.



Anyway, we went on this little field trip and I realized it was the first time I had really observed L in her everyday social setting. We have some of her school buddies over occasionally but barring a birthday party or something, I rarely see her with more than one other kid. She seemed to have fun but I was so surprised to see that she was more timid that I know her to be. I was already getting panicky that I wasn't going to see her teachers every morning and afternoon and wanted to get as much of the inside scoop on her as possible. So that afternoon, I grabbed some of them while all the kiddos slept.



Many of my initial concerns were allayed. According to them, she is a bit more timid than some kids in physically challenging situations (another surprise) but she definitely stands up for herself. This was good for me to hear. The moment that crushed my heart earlier that day was one in which her "best friend" really said some crappy stuff to her and she just took it. All that, "you're not my friend" crap that really seems rampant right now in her peer group. I was just shocked to see her take it and this kid continue being very exclusive and mean (at 3!). So... the teachers stroked my ego a bit and told me how bright and sensitive and perceptive L is and how I needn't worry. Some concrete ideas they gave me had to do with setting up opportunities of L to cultivate some other friendships (this "best friend" is the daughter of friends so we all hang out a LOT and I don't see the same level of shittiness when it is just the two of them). Anyway, all that to say that here are some cute pics of the whole gang that day at the park.
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Let the sociological observations begin! So, our first OFFICIAL week of summer together. We did some kid-swapping/helping out with some other families so we were busy and not lacking for social interactions (of the toddler kind--- I could have used a little more adult interaction I think). L started swim lessons this past week and that ran M-Th and will again next week. We went to the library, the park numerous times, endured some crazy huge t-storms, went out to lunch with Papa, baked a blueberry buckle, read a TON of books, had mildly successful "rest times" each day (that means snuggling and quiet reading with no sleeping). I think we are finally falling into a routine and that feels comfortable to me. I still need to be working a bit here and there and have yet to figure that out, but oh well, here's my blog instead!

As for the social stuff, I wear Papa down in the evenings with all my theories/observations. All in all, she is just such a kind kid but I am a little concerned about her being TOO kind, ya know? We have just never concentrated on her asserting herself. I thought it would just happen but watching her with other kids, I realize she gets NO encouragement. I have dubbed it the "pinata syndrome". Poor thing. We have now been to two gatherings in her short life with pinatas. I kinda hate pinatas so I have never instructed her on what happens or how to behave and so when they bust open, she just stands there wide-mouthed watching kids shove each other around for scraps of shit I don't want her to have anyway. I have watched parents (one was at a hippy-dippy co-op party for chrissakes!) tell their kids to just "grab and go!" and "be ready to get as much as you can!"

Our poor little sweetheart has been conditioned (and possibly genetically pre-disposed by her Papa) to be so mellow and kind. She has been told so many times by that one "friend" that she is not her friend anymore that when we had another kid over this week, she was constantly asking her, "are you still my friend?" The second girl just responded with simple explanations like, "Yes, I am your friend. I just don't want to play that right now." I have been trying to explain to L that you can still be friends even if you are upset with someone but she still reverts to this panicky state whenever people (including me) seem cross with her.

Oy vey! I didn't know I was going to have to worry about her social status at 3! I already have enough angst/worry/terror about her foray into middle school. Does it really have to get so catty so soon? I just want a confident, happy kid. Hopefully, a summer of sleeping in (in my dreams!) and goofing off all day with me telling her how amazing she is to me will help L find some of that. Wish us luck (suggestions are welcome too)!