I have old parents. Really old. My mom will turn 71 tomorrow. I was recently reading her recipe for pie crust ("It's the easiest thing in the world, Sarah. Just like this and like that and there you go!") In the recipe, which she wrote out last year, she calls for "Sticks of Oleo". I have never even seen Oleo but I know what she means. What I don't know is if I can use butter, not margarine. It did get me thinking about all the things that were said in my household growing up, some of which I say all the time. I wonder how that will work when I am 71 and my kids are this age. (I promise to leave out all the racial slurs/terms used by my family in the nicest way possible.)
Oleo = margarine
Davenport = couch
Afghan (before I had ever heard of Afghanistan) = throw/blanket--- not for your bed but for when you are on the couch reading.
Ottoman = footstool
Pocketbook = purse
Supper = dinner
Dinner = lunch
Having my daughter in school often makes me think of the Famous Angie Thompson Story.
My mom had me when she was 35. Although she still has beautiful, almost wrinkle-free skin, she had quite a bit of gray hair by the time she was 40 and I was in kindergarten. One day my mom was there helping manage the chaos that is kindergarten pick-up and one little girl came up to her. Angie Thompson, whose own mother was probably not yet 30, asked my mom, "Are you Sarah's Grandma?" My mother still tells this story so it obviously affected her. I had my kids at 30 and 34 and I am also getting quite gray. Thank goodness for this greasy skin I have hated all my life. Maybe I will be be smooth-skinned like my lovely mama. I wonder if any of Luna's classmates will ask me if I am her grandma? I have seen some of the other parents and I won't be surprised if it happens.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The System
This is Luna's third week of school. I have cried. She has cried. I have cried some more. She started a new school this year. She is in the First Grade at a public school located in our neighborhood. She seems to be finally settling in and I cry less these days. We are trying to assimilate into this new world.
I am the Secretary of the PTO. I met with her teacher last week and her passion for teaching makes me feel much better about all sorts of things--- not everything though. Luna has had homework--- ridiculously stupid homework that required me reading the directions three times to explain. I tried to convince her she didn't need to do it. My daughter would have none of it. We compromised by having her do it but then I got to write a note at the bottom about how confusing it was.
Luna has been on "green" everyday. This means that she is sometimes rewarded with candy for doing what she is supposed to be doing. I am conflicted. Most of the time, I think this is a stupid system designed to treat to children like dogs and steal all of their intrinsic motivation for learning and doing the right thing. The rest of the time I want more than anything for her to be on "green" so that she feels good about going to school and has something of which she can be proud. On Fridays, the teacher sends home a paper that has a check for each day and says whether your child was on green, yellow, orange or red. Parents must sign it and return it on Monday. While I appreciate the idea of more communication/ not less, I am certain that when and if Luna ever moves off of green, I am going to need more information from the teacher than a check. What about those parents whose kids are all over the place? How do they know how to support their children to make better choices. I hope that the teacher is communicating with those families.
The other main issue I have with the system is that it does not reward students for being inquisitive and independent. It rewards them for being quiet and still and quiet and more quiet. Suffice to say that this mom is having a hard time adjusting from the free-thinking and exciting Montessori classroom to this traditional setting. I know that everyone will say that kids in the public education system need more structure and you can't possibly have that kind of freedom and autonomy with "these kinds of kids" but I still am not convinced. We do have a public "Montessori" school. Somehow it has been certified by AMI but the on-the-street knowledge I have of the school is that the teachers often revert to the reward/punishment system that is so common in American schools. Rather than blame "those kinds of kids", I would place the blame on system which requires public school teachers to do so much of this ridiculous testing and teaching to the test. I saw firsthand in Luna's classroom at Montessori that left to their own devices, the kids challenged themselves and learned new things all the time. How that would translate to these ridiculous tests, I can't say. Luna did have some children with special needs in her room. They received a little outside help and did require some extra attention from the teachers. Overall, though, I think these children were just as capable of functioning in the Montessori room and it was beneficial for my child to slow down and help others. It helped her learn things on a different level. It just makes so much sense. If we teach them at age 3 where everything goes and how to use things, they will be respectful of the materials and take pride in their work. If we, as adults, decide when they can pee, when they can look at numbers, when they can stand up and when they can look at letters, we are undermining their natural love of learning.
Obviously, I am still in mourning. Luna is doing fine. She is a rule-follower. She likes to make other people happy (which also terrifies me but that is another post altogether). She will work hard to do the "right" thing in her classroom. She is bright. She is already way ahead of the other children in her reading skills. She will do fine... She will do fine... Her mama on the other hand...
I am the Secretary of the PTO. I met with her teacher last week and her passion for teaching makes me feel much better about all sorts of things--- not everything though. Luna has had homework--- ridiculously stupid homework that required me reading the directions three times to explain. I tried to convince her she didn't need to do it. My daughter would have none of it. We compromised by having her do it but then I got to write a note at the bottom about how confusing it was.
Luna has been on "green" everyday. This means that she is sometimes rewarded with candy for doing what she is supposed to be doing. I am conflicted. Most of the time, I think this is a stupid system designed to treat to children like dogs and steal all of their intrinsic motivation for learning and doing the right thing. The rest of the time I want more than anything for her to be on "green" so that she feels good about going to school and has something of which she can be proud. On Fridays, the teacher sends home a paper that has a check for each day and says whether your child was on green, yellow, orange or red. Parents must sign it and return it on Monday. While I appreciate the idea of more communication/ not less, I am certain that when and if Luna ever moves off of green, I am going to need more information from the teacher than a check. What about those parents whose kids are all over the place? How do they know how to support their children to make better choices. I hope that the teacher is communicating with those families.
The other main issue I have with the system is that it does not reward students for being inquisitive and independent. It rewards them for being quiet and still and quiet and more quiet. Suffice to say that this mom is having a hard time adjusting from the free-thinking and exciting Montessori classroom to this traditional setting. I know that everyone will say that kids in the public education system need more structure and you can't possibly have that kind of freedom and autonomy with "these kinds of kids" but I still am not convinced. We do have a public "Montessori" school. Somehow it has been certified by AMI but the on-the-street knowledge I have of the school is that the teachers often revert to the reward/punishment system that is so common in American schools. Rather than blame "those kinds of kids", I would place the blame on system which requires public school teachers to do so much of this ridiculous testing and teaching to the test. I saw firsthand in Luna's classroom at Montessori that left to their own devices, the kids challenged themselves and learned new things all the time. How that would translate to these ridiculous tests, I can't say. Luna did have some children with special needs in her room. They received a little outside help and did require some extra attention from the teachers. Overall, though, I think these children were just as capable of functioning in the Montessori room and it was beneficial for my child to slow down and help others. It helped her learn things on a different level. It just makes so much sense. If we teach them at age 3 where everything goes and how to use things, they will be respectful of the materials and take pride in their work. If we, as adults, decide when they can pee, when they can look at numbers, when they can stand up and when they can look at letters, we are undermining their natural love of learning.
Obviously, I am still in mourning. Luna is doing fine. She is a rule-follower. She likes to make other people happy (which also terrifies me but that is another post altogether). She will work hard to do the "right" thing in her classroom. She is bright. She is already way ahead of the other children in her reading skills. She will do fine... She will do fine... Her mama on the other hand...
Saturday, July 31, 2010
The Thinking Mom
It constantly amazes me that otherwise tight-lipped, "polite" people think it is OK to give their opinions about your parenting. Complete strangers who would never talk about farts or burps or, heaven forbid, something interesting like sex, think it is perfectly OK to ask you all sorts of things like: "When are you having another one?" and "You should have had them closer together," and "Just you wait, you say you will never spank them now..." and "Breastfeeding is so much work. You should just open a can of formula."
Ask me about religion or politics, folks, and I am detached enough that I can listen to your drivel. But DO NOT tell me your stoopid thoughts on parenting my children. Trust me, I have thought about this one... and I am doing it quite well thank you.
Ask me about religion or politics, folks, and I am detached enough that I can listen to your drivel. But DO NOT tell me your stoopid thoughts on parenting my children. Trust me, I have thought about this one... and I am doing it quite well thank you.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Our Backyard
These pictures are all taken in our yard and I especially love the ones in the woods. These are taken just a few feet into the woods behind our yard.
The other day, Tommy and I were hanging out in the sandbox in the yard and he started waving at someone in the woods. I turned around to see who it was and there were 3 deer standing right up where most of these pictures were taken--- right near the jack-in-the-pulpit.
Yeah, I said jack-in-the-pulpit. Luna and I were walking in the woods sometime last week and she said, "Are these jack-in-the-pulpit? They are one of the first signs of spring." I was surprised that she even knew what those were. I glanced around quickly and said no. I looked a little closer and saw that she was RIGHT! Where does she get this stuff? We were standing in the middle of dozens of them and she identifies them somehow by the leaves, NOT the actual jack-in-the-pulpit. I think it is hilarious because she has no idea about a pulpit or a preacher. I am sure I was 27 before I knew this plant even existed.
The kids have been really having fun together lately. Luna reads to Tommy all the time. I am still at home and loving it. I am so lucky to be able to spend my days digging in the garden, looking at worms and reading books with these little superstars.
Yesterday, Tommy laid on the sidewalk on his belly for over ten minutes watching ants work. I stopped what I was doing and squatted down next to him. I love that the my kids remind me to slow the f*** down. What an amazing life I have.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Raising a Renegade
A week ago I read about an amazing idea on my favorite blog, Sweet Juniper. I then did a little research and decided to do it right here in lil ole Kalamazoo. I posted the blog entry on my Facebook page and received a lot of positive feedback and organized a seed bomb party for today.Apparently, back in the day (like the 1970's), folks used to pack plastic easter eggs and holiday ornaments full of seeds and compost and throw them into abandoned lots and yards. They called themselves Guerrilla Gardeners. Today's versions of seedbombs seem to include far less plastic but the idea remains the same. There is a ton of information out there about the best way to do this but the one I enjoyed watching the best was this kooky Brit who seems to be at the "cutting edge" (so says Chad Boarman) of modern-day guerrilla garden-fare. Yes, despite what you might assume based on his hair, Richard Reynolds is, in fact, modern-day. The video is only 3 minutes long and worth it as I quickly fell in love with him and his grubby hands and Member's-Only jacket.
I began collecting seeds last week. I bought a few in bulk at our little local garden store and also started gathering up all the bits of seeds I had leftover from the years. I had a ton of sunflower seeds from the past decade. Who knows if they will sprout but this seemed like the perfect project in which to take the gamble.
I spent this morning calling around to all the craft stores in town as well as the big box home improvement stores but no luck. No one carries dry clay powder, apparently. I went back to Sweet Juniper's idea about using kitty litter. I was turned off by this originally because I have a strong aversive to touching anything cat-related but I decided that I needed to get over this--- for the sake of Green Things!
I bought the cheapest box of kitty litter I could find. Who knew that there was ENTIRE aisle at Target dedicated to such a product? As it turns out, not too many of the initial excitement carried folks over here on a gray Monday afternoon. It was me and the kids and our friend Matt. We worked diligently with 1 part seeds, 1 part compost and 5 parts kitty litter. The kids did a great job of making little balls closely resembling chocolate donut holes. Tommy only had to taste the mixture twice to decide he didn't want to eat it.
After we made a ton of donut hole seed bombs, we "delivered" a few. Luna isn't the best at being stealth so we had quite a few conversations about why we had to be quiet and whether or not what we were doing was legal and/or right. I think she is well on her way to being a force to be reckoned within the world of social activism. The girl has some VERY clear ideas about what is right and wrong.
Here are a few photos of my kids committing their first act of civil disobedience. Go to hell, Mr. Waner.
Hot Breakfast-- Served Daily... Somewhere
This morning Suzy Homemaker (me) made the family oatmeal. I made the real kind that you have to get up a little bit early for and measure out and all that. (Admittedly, not a complex recipe but ANYTHING is complex for me before 9am--- I am NOT a morning person). I set out four colorful bowls. I scooped each person the appropriate serving size (biggest for me). I crumbled the correct amount of brown sugar on top, according to age and height. Then I topped each bowl with the tiniest bit of milk-- for flavor and to cool it down.
I served the bowls to the kids; they began eating heartily. Then I started working on my tea. I hustled around and put a ton of white sugar in my cup and the perfect amount of milk. Ummm.... then the milk curdled in my tea.
I looked at the kids' half-eaten bowls of oatmeal. I called Papa over for consultation. Yep. He dumped his immediately. I nonchalantly (yeah, right) took the kids' bowls away and tried my best to salvage the non-contaminated part of the oatmeal. I placed in in a new bowl and topped it with fresh milk from the unopended one in the fridge. Things started to get blurry. Seriously. I was so low on sugar. I only have about 15 minutes from when I first stand up to when I need food in my system and we were WAY outside that window. Of course, the caffeine headache was screaming at me too and here I needed to start a completely new kettle of water. Eventually, I sat down with my salvaged bowl of oatmeal. We ate it. We all seem OK.
The moral of the story: Thank goodness for my addiction to Lyons tea, for without it, I would have continued serving my kids spoiled milk and then who the hell knows what would have happened!
I served the bowls to the kids; they began eating heartily. Then I started working on my tea. I hustled around and put a ton of white sugar in my cup and the perfect amount of milk. Ummm.... then the milk curdled in my tea.
I looked at the kids' half-eaten bowls of oatmeal. I called Papa over for consultation. Yep. He dumped his immediately. I nonchalantly (yeah, right) took the kids' bowls away and tried my best to salvage the non-contaminated part of the oatmeal. I placed in in a new bowl and topped it with fresh milk from the unopended one in the fridge. Things started to get blurry. Seriously. I was so low on sugar. I only have about 15 minutes from when I first stand up to when I need food in my system and we were WAY outside that window. Of course, the caffeine headache was screaming at me too and here I needed to start a completely new kettle of water. Eventually, I sat down with my salvaged bowl of oatmeal. We ate it. We all seem OK.
The moral of the story: Thank goodness for my addiction to Lyons tea, for without it, I would have continued serving my kids spoiled milk and then who the hell knows what would have happened!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Adult Ed
Education is lost on the young.
Here is sit trying to fill out paperwork to get an unemployment deferment for the student loans I still owe listening to Studs Terkel's Hard Times radio program on the Great Depression and thinking about how much I didn't learn back then. There are so many emotions contained in that very long run-on sentence.
I am thinking about these idiots from the Tea Party and wondering if they have ever met someone like me. I am sure they would think that a stay-at-home mother of two kids who has had her kids on Medicaid and has received WIC benefits must just be a loser. I am thinking that if we didn't have insurance and one of our kids got really sick, we would never be able to get out of debt. As it is, our deductible for our current insurance policy is $3000 so we would be hit pretty hard by anything other than a regular trip to the doctor's office. We pay $400/month out of pocket for our current plan--- apparently, we make too much to get Medicaid now that I receive unemployment benefits and my insurance coverage was cut off. We work so hard. We have everything we need. We really do. We are happy and I am not complaining. I do wonder who the hell these people are and what bubble they live in. In the past year 3 of my parents' 4 children have been unemployed and the 4th went to Colombia for a job! I want to spit in the faces of those ignorant Tea Party fuckers. That would prove to them that I am, in fact, not a loser at all. Ha!
I am thinking that I wasted so much time in college when I should have been educating myself by actually reading Studs Terkel. He came to MSU and James Madison students had a private audience with him and I might now even have gone. I was high as a kite at Noam Chomsky's talk with 15 other students from JMC. I was too young to know how important these people were and didn't care about history. DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HISTORY! I thought history was boring. Here I sit listening to stories recorded in the 1970's about the Depression. Here I am watching history repeat itself in this fucking country and feeling helpless and ignorant. I wrote about my recent obsession with old M*A*S*H episodes. God dammit if we aren't repeating that history over and over again. Let's send a bunch of young people across the world to get killed and maimed (inside and out) and why again? Why?
So, I married a guy with a passion for history (and a degree in it, too). Every so often I hear these pieces on NPR or read a novel about a time in our history I am completely ignorant to. We have these great talks about the books I was supposed to read in college that covered these topics and I start my education all over again every day. Today, I put The Grapes of Wrath on hold at the library because of what I just heard.
I am just kicking myself because I feel like I had some AMAZING opportunities for knowledge at James Madison, I really did. A short list of people who came to MSU and/or James Madison while I was there: Studs Terkel, Angela Davis, Sistah Souljah, Noam Chomsky, Tim O'Brien, various members of the Black Panther Party. Alas, I was 17 and can't feel too badly. College is wasted on the young. At least, this young one who is not so young anymore but is still paying loans for the education which she didn't receive all because of her lust of Oberon or the beach or road trips or sleeping in or silly boys. Of course, I married one of those silly boys I skipped classes with while drinking Oberon and sleeping in and taking road trips. That makes it all worth it.
History will repeat itself. Our children will most likely do some of the stupid things we did. God help me.
Here is sit trying to fill out paperwork to get an unemployment deferment for the student loans I still owe listening to Studs Terkel's Hard Times radio program on the Great Depression and thinking about how much I didn't learn back then. There are so many emotions contained in that very long run-on sentence.
I am thinking about these idiots from the Tea Party and wondering if they have ever met someone like me. I am sure they would think that a stay-at-home mother of two kids who has had her kids on Medicaid and has received WIC benefits must just be a loser. I am thinking that if we didn't have insurance and one of our kids got really sick, we would never be able to get out of debt. As it is, our deductible for our current insurance policy is $3000 so we would be hit pretty hard by anything other than a regular trip to the doctor's office. We pay $400/month out of pocket for our current plan--- apparently, we make too much to get Medicaid now that I receive unemployment benefits and my insurance coverage was cut off. We work so hard. We have everything we need. We really do. We are happy and I am not complaining. I do wonder who the hell these people are and what bubble they live in. In the past year 3 of my parents' 4 children have been unemployed and the 4th went to Colombia for a job! I want to spit in the faces of those ignorant Tea Party fuckers. That would prove to them that I am, in fact, not a loser at all. Ha!
I am thinking that I wasted so much time in college when I should have been educating myself by actually reading Studs Terkel. He came to MSU and James Madison students had a private audience with him and I might now even have gone. I was high as a kite at Noam Chomsky's talk with 15 other students from JMC. I was too young to know how important these people were and didn't care about history. DIDN'T CARE ABOUT HISTORY! I thought history was boring. Here I sit listening to stories recorded in the 1970's about the Depression. Here I am watching history repeat itself in this fucking country and feeling helpless and ignorant. I wrote about my recent obsession with old M*A*S*H episodes. God dammit if we aren't repeating that history over and over again. Let's send a bunch of young people across the world to get killed and maimed (inside and out) and why again? Why?
So, I married a guy with a passion for history (and a degree in it, too). Every so often I hear these pieces on NPR or read a novel about a time in our history I am completely ignorant to. We have these great talks about the books I was supposed to read in college that covered these topics and I start my education all over again every day. Today, I put The Grapes of Wrath on hold at the library because of what I just heard.
I am just kicking myself because I feel like I had some AMAZING opportunities for knowledge at James Madison, I really did. A short list of people who came to MSU and/or James Madison while I was there: Studs Terkel, Angela Davis, Sistah Souljah, Noam Chomsky, Tim O'Brien, various members of the Black Panther Party. Alas, I was 17 and can't feel too badly. College is wasted on the young. At least, this young one who is not so young anymore but is still paying loans for the education which she didn't receive all because of her lust of Oberon or the beach or road trips or sleeping in or silly boys. Of course, I married one of those silly boys I skipped classes with while drinking Oberon and sleeping in and taking road trips. That makes it all worth it.
History will repeat itself. Our children will most likely do some of the stupid things we did. God help me.
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