Latenight Ramble

I am exhausted and it is late and I am finally done with all the things I "needed" to do tonight and yet here I am. I am thinking lots about my day tomorrow and it feels really big. I am making lists of things to take on our 1 night trip across the state. L is staying with G&G and the Man and I are going to see Dolly Parton perform with two of our bestest friends. We plan to eat yummy Lebanese food and remember our binoculars (as we have lawn seats). We'll be back to snuggle with L and wake up at G&G's house to a garden bursting with freshness and the entire day without the Man going to the Office. That is all very exciting. But something else is weighing on me and I am just starting to realize why I am finding all sorts of things to do and lists to make and not going to bed.

Tomorrow, I will see my mom (one of the G's) and she had a mastectomy last week and I don't know what on earth to do with that. I suppose I don't do anything but I have been shoving it out of my head and heart and only now am realizing that I am pretty freaked out about it all. She seems OK and relieved that is has been "taken care of" . She found out today that she will not require anything further like chemo or radiation. She is VERY relieved.

So... I am not sure what this rambling is all about or even what it should be called. I guess I need to acknowledge to myself and cyberspace (and my two devoted readers) that I am really freaked out and completely unsure of what to do or say or feel or think or ask.

I will try my best to remember to do more asking than telling, more listening than talking and to be gentle. I will give her a manicure and deliver her favorite bread (and hopefully her favorite coffee cake if Mackenzie's has a date/walnut one). I will arrive bearing the most important gift of all. A beautiful, smiling 3-year-old full of stories (she keeps trying to fake me out by telling me there is a frog or a toad in the house and I have fallen for it a few times) and questions (why?) and boundless toddler love.