The Pinata Syndrome

It has been a good week. Luna had her last day of B&R preschool last week. We celebrated with a field trip to a local park. This was just the beginning of my long strange trip obsessing about my daughter's social interactions. B&R is such a sweet little hippy-dippy place. The teachers have mostly been there for decades and they work so hard to create a loving safe space for the kids. One of the reasons I was initially attracted to the place is because they actively work to downplay so much of the commercialized gender crap that kids are swimming in these days. I know firsthand that no matter how hard you can consciously (and unconsciously) work to alleviate some of these pressures, you might end up with a princess or a hardcore hulk. However, I love to find little havens safe from the reach of Disney's evil empire. I digress.



Anyway, we went on this little field trip and I realized it was the first time I had really observed L in her everyday social setting. We have some of her school buddies over occasionally but barring a birthday party or something, I rarely see her with more than one other kid. She seemed to have fun but I was so surprised to see that she was more timid that I know her to be. I was already getting panicky that I wasn't going to see her teachers every morning and afternoon and wanted to get as much of the inside scoop on her as possible. So that afternoon, I grabbed some of them while all the kiddos slept.



Many of my initial concerns were allayed. According to them, she is a bit more timid than some kids in physically challenging situations (another surprise) but she definitely stands up for herself. This was good for me to hear. The moment that crushed my heart earlier that day was one in which her "best friend" really said some crappy stuff to her and she just took it. All that, "you're not my friend" crap that really seems rampant right now in her peer group. I was just shocked to see her take it and this kid continue being very exclusive and mean (at 3!). So... the teachers stroked my ego a bit and told me how bright and sensitive and perceptive L is and how I needn't worry. Some concrete ideas they gave me had to do with setting up opportunities of L to cultivate some other friendships (this "best friend" is the daughter of friends so we all hang out a LOT and I don't see the same level of shittiness when it is just the two of them). Anyway, all that to say that here are some cute pics of the whole gang that day at the park.
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Let the sociological observations begin! So, our first OFFICIAL week of summer together. We did some kid-swapping/helping out with some other families so we were busy and not lacking for social interactions (of the toddler kind--- I could have used a little more adult interaction I think). L started swim lessons this past week and that ran M-Th and will again next week. We went to the library, the park numerous times, endured some crazy huge t-storms, went out to lunch with Papa, baked a blueberry buckle, read a TON of books, had mildly successful "rest times" each day (that means snuggling and quiet reading with no sleeping). I think we are finally falling into a routine and that feels comfortable to me. I still need to be working a bit here and there and have yet to figure that out, but oh well, here's my blog instead!

As for the social stuff, I wear Papa down in the evenings with all my theories/observations. All in all, she is just such a kind kid but I am a little concerned about her being TOO kind, ya know? We have just never concentrated on her asserting herself. I thought it would just happen but watching her with other kids, I realize she gets NO encouragement. I have dubbed it the "pinata syndrome". Poor thing. We have now been to two gatherings in her short life with pinatas. I kinda hate pinatas so I have never instructed her on what happens or how to behave and so when they bust open, she just stands there wide-mouthed watching kids shove each other around for scraps of shit I don't want her to have anyway. I have watched parents (one was at a hippy-dippy co-op party for chrissakes!) tell their kids to just "grab and go!" and "be ready to get as much as you can!"

Our poor little sweetheart has been conditioned (and possibly genetically pre-disposed by her Papa) to be so mellow and kind. She has been told so many times by that one "friend" that she is not her friend anymore that when we had another kid over this week, she was constantly asking her, "are you still my friend?" The second girl just responded with simple explanations like, "Yes, I am your friend. I just don't want to play that right now." I have been trying to explain to L that you can still be friends even if you are upset with someone but she still reverts to this panicky state whenever people (including me) seem cross with her.

Oy vey! I didn't know I was going to have to worry about her social status at 3! I already have enough angst/worry/terror about her foray into middle school. Does it really have to get so catty so soon? I just want a confident, happy kid. Hopefully, a summer of sleeping in (in my dreams!) and goofing off all day with me telling her how amazing she is to me will help L find some of that. Wish us luck (suggestions are welcome too)!