He's Here!

Action!

7pm, 12/08/08-- Lost mucous plug--- realizing it may or may not mean anything, started making sure I was feeling ready. Stayed up too late doing some last minute work things that needed doing.

1:30am, 12/09/08-- Woke up with serious backache and realized I was having contractions. L joined us in bed and I was able to fall back asleep.

3:30am, 12/09/08-- Contractions woke me up again. Got up to do some stretching and reading. You know, "when do I go to the hospital?" After flipping through The Birth Partner and finding a stopwatch (didn't know my cell phone had one!), I timed things and realized I was still pretty far off. I was very glad to realize this as we were in the middle of a bad ice storm (lots of school closings today) and I didn't want to have to drive in the night on ice or have to call a friend to come over to stay with L in this weather. Wandered around the house a bit and went back to bed by 4:30.

7am-- Woke up to stronger contractions that required a bit more concentration. Still spaced out and pretty short but hadn't told L yet and didn't want her to wonder what was up. Did the normal morning thing and had my tea and toast and all that. Was getting anxious for S to take L to school. I really wanted to be alone and able to focus. Also feeling like this was the last time I would see her for a while or at least as an only child. Getting very emotional about the changes she is about to experience. Just love her so damn much.

9am-- They were gone. Got back online to send off a few more emails. Did that whole "I am away from work" auto-reply thing. Felt very liberating.

Now (noon)-- Just been nesting hardcore. I am in the middle of a million little projects. Our suitcase is packed as is L's for her "slumber party". Not wanting to answer the phone or talk to anyone. Haven't even called the two friends who will be helping-- one with labor and one with L. Should do that to let them know things are happening but I am so protective of this time and wanting to just be alone.

No Baby Yet

The baby seems content inside me and I feel the same way. I have had a couple of fabulously enjoyable days lately. Given myself the gift of not being productive. Have a million things "to do" before this baby shows up-- mostly having to do with cooking and freezing food and cleaning and moving furniture.

Instead, I have had tea with friends, taken long baths, gone shopping for snow boots, gone out for 3 hour breakfasts. Yesterday, 3 of my best gals came over and did a belly cast! It is gorgeous and was SUCH a cool experience. It felt like a very necessary stepping stone to hang out with these other mamas, all raising 2 children and ask them questions and to hear their stories... all while I sat naked on a chair and they laid cool strips of wet plaster across my nipples!

Food for Baby Thoughts

Cravings:

• Dry Cheerios. That was my go-to food during those early weeks of nausea (definitely won't call it morning sickness as this is a serious misnomer). I have eaten hundreds of bowls of Cheerios during this pregnancy (no other brand can cut it-- not the crazy expensive organic "oat cereal" and not the Spartan brand).
• I have eaten 2-3 Arby's Roast Beef sandwiches (with original Arby sauce of course) during this pregnancy... this is more fast food than I have eaten since 2000 combined.
• I had a few weeks a month or so ago when I craved HARDCORE really horrible fatty food-- specifically Double-stuf Oreos and Ruffles potato chips generously dipped in Hidden Valley Ranch chip dip... it passed (mostly, although my weakness for Oreos is an on-going lifetime battle)... I decided that some serious brain development was happening that week and the baby needed all the fat it could get.
• Corned Beef. Yep! I cooked one on Sunday with cabbage and carrots and the works and it was so salty and gross and divine.
• I have just been SOOO hungry. On numerous occasions, I have gotten up in the night for a bowl of cereal and then gone back to bed. Even if I am not that hungry, I generally eat a bowl of cereal before bed just so I can avoid this midnight snacking. It's cold in our house at night!

Other than that, I think I have been eating healthier and taking better care of my body. I think this is due to the fact that we really try to model good eating in front of L. I would say that since she started eating with us, we all eat better. Even with all of the above infractions, Stephen and I eat better than we normally would on our own. We really only reserve our horrible habits for after she goes to bed. If she only knew what we did after 7pm!

Body Electric

Finally feeling like I can let this kid show up. I kept telling the Baby that it had to wait until after Luna's birthday. For all intents and purposes, her birthday celebrationSSSS were done at 1pm on Thursday (Thanksgiving) and since then , all I have wanted to do is clean closets and lie on the couch.

I have cleaned a few closets and managed a few minutes here and there on the couches. Luna and I had some good snuggle time while watching PBSKids after I broke the news that I was too tired to take her swimming. (Why do I even mention these things early in the day?) I am very tired. Not sure if I am more tired than usual or just allowing myself some space to rest.

Body update: Belly seems huge but nothing else is too exciting. I feel good, I really do. My hips ache any time I sit or lay or stand in one position for more than 5 minutes. No, seriously, I do miss sleep. Stephen and I stayed up late watching a movie last night (12:30 or so) and I was still hoping for a solid 7. Nope. I was awake (for the day, apparently) at 4am. I came downstairs, thinking that the back of the couch supporting my back would be good for the hips. It was very comfortable but sleep never came again. I decided to get up and be "productive" at 6:20am.

So far, productive has been to make a few lists, start the dishwasher, fill out some paperwork for the Historic District (we really need a handrail out front if I am going to keep this toddler and this new babe safe), ate some quiche, and am now blogging!

I did feel some strange heaviness when I was "trying to sleep" but it felt more like I ate magic mushrooms than anything related to labor.

Fall Days

Sweet candy... sweet dreams

She started off as a princess but then decided she didn't like her princess hat (which did not stay on her head). She wore simple ribbons to the school party on Thursday. Friday when it was time to get out there on the streets, I suggested her pink tennis shoes to go with her costume (she had taken a spill in her "princess shoes" the night before). She opted for the pink cowgirl boots instead and the tiara-embellished cowgirl hat... she became a "princess cowgirl". My never ending love for Dolly Parton continues! She has a sparkly cowgirl Polly Pocket doll that I call "Dolly Polly.

She really did have a good time (even though the pictures seem sober)... she was pretty overwhelmed by this idea of going door-to-door and getting CANDY! Not to worry! Mom and Dad tested a goodly amount of the candy! All safe! She has gotten to stay out past dark a few nights these weeks (a huge treat for the one who is in bed by 7:30 most nights... "I can see the stars!") but our little sleepyhead actually requested that we go home... we were sitting on the porch of some friends while the girls tormented their dog in the front yard and all of sudden, she said, "Mama, can we go home? Can Papa carry me so I can go to sleep?" That's my girl!

Princess Tirade

for halloween, luna is going to be a.... guess... a pink princess! of course! we were on a rare trip to the store (i generally avoid talking her for this reason) and found a pretty damn cute princess costume that is not all disney-ish and shitty... long-sleeved even!

i try to indulge her when i can so i don't get coerced into the barbie/disney shit... she sees so little of that in her life (t-shirts on kids at school and a few friends' houses) but she is obsessed! i am trying to find a balance so she doesn't totally rebel... ha!

trying to keep the grandparents in check is the hardest thing about it all! they see one pink sparkly thing and they think all bets are off... a slippery slope i tell you!

i can easily see the value in the pretend/play aspect of the fairy/princess crap, i just loathe all the disney marketing and skinny-waisted fakeness of it... if i can keep her on fairies in books and stuff from bookbug, we are doing OK...luna is (and has been for a while) really into dressing and undressing dolls... like every day, twice a day... she does this with the doll of the week... i really think that is her thing with barbie's... she loves dressing and undressing them.. my friend has pointed me toward "groovy girls" so i think that is where we are headed with all this... soft, cool, dolls with normal bodies and cute stuff instead of whore clothing...

Blogworthy Boy

I worked all day Saturday-- like 7am to midnight kind of day. I took 35 teenagers to Cleveland on a charter bus to see this super-cool museum exhibit called Race: Are We So Different? We are preparing for it to come here to Kalamazoo in 2010. At any rate, I was exhausted on Sunday-- achy and missing my little girl. It was a gorgeous Sunday here and so I was trying to get her to go outside with me and work in the yard. She was having none of it so the Mister (who I thought just wanted some alone time) suggested we go to the park near our house.

We ended up running into some friends there so we stayed longer than planned. I expected to come back to a napping Papa. Instead, we came home to a wonderfully clean-smelling house! He had been bitten by some kind of bug and had mopped and scoured the kitchen and downstairs bathroom! He had scrubbed out garbage cans and used all sorts of yummy smelling natural cleaning products!

I have to say that he is generally quite helpful but it is usually my idea. I bug him a bit and give him a few days notice and then we have a big (or little) cleaning bee--complete with Dolly Parton music blaring.

This time, though, he scrubbed and scoured all on his own and that, my friends, is what made it such an amazing gift to this exhausted pregnant Mama. Thank you, loverbutt!

Starting off at Montessori

So, we did this in stages. This is L on her "first day" at school. Really, it was a 1-on-1 meeting with her teacher for an hour. I didn't find out until afterward that L thought of it as her "first day".

Her are pics of us on her "second day" but really her first with other kids. This day she had "New Student Orientation" with all the other newbies. This is the fancy dress I bought for her "first day" but wasn't planning on that for another week. Little did I know that a day at school with the teacher and other kids feels like "school" to a 3-year-old. Duh!

OK, this is her first "official" day of school at Montessori. She stayed for lunch that day because of her new super-cool lunch box Grandma got for her. We called it the first day with "big kids". To complicate matters further, she does not consider herself a "new kid" because she went there a few days two summers ago when Stephen was the daycare guy. She is getting the hang of things, though.

This just in!

So, I generally try hard to keep work/life separate-- challenging because some of my best friends are also co-workers. We do digress occasionally but most of the time can have a good time WITHOUT talking shop at all.

Anyway, since most of the people in my non-work life has virtually no idea what i do for a living, I thought I would share this. It is a video about our program hot off the presses. I love it and am so excited to have this tool to share with folks. I like to think our program is pretty unique and I am not always so good about tooting my own horn. Now I don't have to. I can just hand over a DVD. Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxSr0dquSpg

Our Very Own Red Tent

My birthday was last week. for my "girls' night out" portion of the multi-week celebration, I wanted to host a Red Tent Event. Really, I had finally gotten my hands on the library's copy of "The Business of Being Born" and wanted to host a viewing of it. I have a few friends who are pregnant (well, one just had her babe yesterday) and obviously, I was interested in seeing the film again with a different (read: pregnant) perspective.

So... I invited a bunch of women over for a Sunday night viewing. Stephen made heaps of fresh popcorn (he makes FABULOUS popcorn), put the kiddo to bed and made himself scarce.

Strangely enough, the women who showed up were not all from my normal little circle nor were they women who knew each other (rare for little ole Kalamazoo). There were several women from the neighborhood and some of my normal posse-- all of them VERY cool women with very different childbirth stories.

We watched the film, ate tons of popcorn, drank some red wine and then had an amazing conversation following the film. We all stayed up WAY too late considering it was a Sunday and most of us (but not all) had kids to get to school the next day. We shared our various stories, ranging from many medical interventions to smooth home births, from one pregnancy that ended in miscarriage to those who swore they would NEVER go through childbirth again.

I shared my perspective of near orgasmic euphoria during and after the birth. I loved it, I really did. I feel like I loved every second of it. Every once in a while, I check in with Stephen or with my dear friend Gina who was there with us. They assure me that I did love it. I did not block out any traumatic moments in which I screamed for drugs or cussed out Stephen . They assure me that it was hard but I just kept working and they corroborate my own stories of really digging on being pregnant and giving birth. I feel really lucky.

I attribute a lot of that experience to Ina May Gaskin. I am sure I am not the only one in the world as that woman has helped 1000's of women find their power. My connection feels unique to me in that I had never heard of Ina May. When I found out I was pregnant, I went immediately to my source for information--- the public library. I looked up birth and went to the general section. I had been warned by someone to stay away from those "What to Expect" books as they were supposedly filled with terrifying "what if's". So, I just started looking through the second floor stacks. I saw an older version of Ina May's Spiritual Midwifery and loved the beautiful cover. I grabbed that one and plopped right down in the aisle and started reading. Although I chuckled at first at the photos of all the HAIR, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the amazing, powerful birth stories. I decided right then and there that was the kind of birth I wanted and I spent the rest of my pregnancy reading the stuff that helped me get there and staying away from the more mainstream stuff that I felt might get in my way. That first day, I learned about "horse lips" and the Sphincter Law. I truly believe that Ina May's crazy ideas about making out during labor and "loving the baby out of you" are where it's at.

On a side note, I went home and gushed to Stephen about my new discovery. I showed him some photos in the book. He said, "I think I went there when I was a kid. Yeah, I did. We went to the Farm. I remember lots of kids and we all just ran around together free." There is a great photo in that book of a little naked long-haired blonde kid running away and it could very well be my little Stephen-- naked and free.

Family Holiday... Finally!

I received one of those kinda spammy emails on the Wednesday before Labor Day (from a rental website I have used before). I called and booked the sight unseen cabin on Thursday and we hopped in the car by 5:30pm on Friday after Stephen got home from work. I packed to much food, forgot the kid's life preserver and Stephen's sandals, but other than that, we were OFF!

We stayed at a lovely little spot just south of Traverse City on small to medium lake called Spider Lake. It was so perfect! The cabin was clean and rustic. It really met all of our needs. I wanted something quiet and off the beaten path. Stephen wanted something that would keep us dry and safe in the event of a thunderstorm. L wanted somewhere she could play, play, play.

The lake was sandy and warm (warm enough for me to get in and hang out!). The beach had shade AND sun, a porch swing, a treehouse, tons of sand toys and even a couple of swingsets!

We will definitely be going back to this little haven. We had not gotten away at all this summer and we all really seemed to need it. I know I was beating myself up for not doing "enough relaxing" this summer (how backwards is that?). Getting away and floating hand in hand with my little one on pink floaties is EXACTLY what I needed to face this fall's busy season head-on.

My Man-- Mr. Vine

I really love this photograph of my lovely partner. Looking so cool and relaxed on our little family holiday up north. He really wasn't posing-- just watching the kid on the swingset at the public beach in Empire, Michigan.

By the way, he designed that t-shirt. Yes, we drink a LOT of Vernor's around here.

First Day Jitters

"You OK, honey?" I ask as I glance back at her on the way to school this morning.

"Yes. This is just what my face looks like when I am kind of scared to meet all the other kids."

A pep talk followed and she went off to her new classroom with her brave little self. Do you think it is possible for a person's heart to explode with love for another person?

Cute boy?

We met some folks at the park last week. It has been a very loose group of folks from L's old preschool who meet there every Tuesday morning. The weeks when I remember, it has been really nice to see folks and for L to play with some of old buddies.

This past Tuesday, we were watching some friends, a girl L's age and her older brother, who is six. He was VERY happy when one of his older buddies showed up with his dad and 3-year-old sister. The three girls commenced playing together as did the two older boys. The girls occupied themselves over under the pavilion doing dances on the "stage" (picnic table). The boys were busy with some game in a different part of the park.

The two sets of siblings seemed to be completely ignoring one another and only my little one seemed interested in bridging the gap. The older boys were leaving them completely alone (something I always liked as the youngest child with 3 older brothers) but L kept creeping over to the boys and then it took very little to get them trying to take her toy or flower or telling her to buzz off. I only intervened once (when it looked like some spiting might be happening--- gross!). Of course, the little sisters always came running to save their buddy from their evil older brothers.

At one point, I looked at L and thought to myself, "That looks a lot like flirting to me." I immediately put that idea out of my head as I can't stand it when people put all that boyfriend/girlfriend shit on toddlers who are just having fun together.

Later that day, I asked her how her day had been. She replied, "Good because Wyatt made it good." I quickly picked my jaw up off the floor and said something mumbly like, "He is a nice friend." She then started spilling the beans. She told me that she liked going to the park that day because of Wyatt and then she said, "He's really cute."

WTF?

I am thinking to myself, "I am not ready for this!" I asked, "Is he cute like a baby or cute like a big kid?" She replied that he is cute like a big kid and she likes him because he makes her smile and he smiles at her.

She brought him up several more times that day INCLUDING when Papa got home from work! When he asked about her day she talked about Wyatt and kept bringing him up whenever she could.

It seems to have passed but I guess she was flirting after all. Looking back, I think I have seen her flirt with as many girls as boys and usually I lump it all together with that older-kid-worship thing we have all seen.

I promise not to let my jaw completely drop to the floor again the next time she talks about someone being "cute" but I am SOOO not ready for boy-craziness. I am hoping for another decade before I have to tame that Wild Thing.

The Trashiest/Purtiest Gal in Show Business

I saw Dolly Parton last night and don't know how I will ever recover.

She was amazing! She is one of the best performers I have ever seen (possibly tied with Del McCoury, another "senior citizen" and Tennessean)! Her stage presence is unmatched by anyone-- from her sequins all the way down to her gorgeous gams. She came out for the first set in a sexy little blue sparkly number. She then went on to play a different instrument for every song-- from the banjo to the piano, from the tin whistle to the dulcimer (the dulcimer!). Her second set was all Dolly all over the place! She played the favorites like "9 to 5" and "Islands in a Stream". My favorite was "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?" You see, this was Part Three of our wedding anniversary celebration (Part 1: Dinner + Batman, Part 2: Long Walk + Dessert, Part 3: Dolly Parton, oh my!) That song is on love tape Stephen made for me years ago and it felt so good to sing along so loud with my boy and to watch her enjoy herself so much. She sang that song a cappella with the male members of her band and told stories of singing "back home" with all her brothers.

I was certainly excited to see her show but had NO IDEA what we were in for. She played for 2.5 hours (with one break for a fabulous wardrobe change). She must be over 60 years old and she ROCKED the house! She told wonderful stories in between each song, including some of my favorites: "My mama always had one in her or one on her." "I looked at that purty lady in town and said, 'Mama, when I grow up I want to be trash just like her.'"-- with allusions to my favorite: "It costs a lot of money to look this cheap." Not only can she sing like an angel, play a zillion instruments but she writes AMAZING songs!

On a more serious note, it made me think twice about how hard I resist L's love for all things sparkly and trashy. She is three and I need to lighten up a bit. If Dolly Parton is my idol and inspiration (check out inspiring new single with Amy Sedaris, my other idol, in the video), then I can trust that my little girl will be alright if she paints her fingernails red once in a while.

Finally, the show made me all mushy for my boy. Aside from the two 6-foot drag queens in the front row (who might have been prettier than Dolly herself), I don't know if there was another man there who enjoyed himself more than Stephen. He was the first to stand up in our section for the rowdy parts and knew all the words to most of the songs. I can count on a new Dolly CD most years from him and equally important, he is just as likely as me to put it in the CD player. I love my little Dolly Man and can't wait to until the day we pack the kids and the mini-van and head to Dollywood for a little slice of Appalachian Heaven.

PS-- I have decided that I still might be able to give in to a Barbie doll for L but would happily purchase a "Dolly Doll" for her. Let me know if you ever come across such an amazing creation.

Latenight Ramble

I am exhausted and it is late and I am finally done with all the things I "needed" to do tonight and yet here I am. I am thinking lots about my day tomorrow and it feels really big. I am making lists of things to take on our 1 night trip across the state. L is staying with G&G and the Man and I are going to see Dolly Parton perform with two of our bestest friends. We plan to eat yummy Lebanese food and remember our binoculars (as we have lawn seats). We'll be back to snuggle with L and wake up at G&G's house to a garden bursting with freshness and the entire day without the Man going to the Office. That is all very exciting. But something else is weighing on me and I am just starting to realize why I am finding all sorts of things to do and lists to make and not going to bed.

Tomorrow, I will see my mom (one of the G's) and she had a mastectomy last week and I don't know what on earth to do with that. I suppose I don't do anything but I have been shoving it out of my head and heart and only now am realizing that I am pretty freaked out about it all. She seems OK and relieved that is has been "taken care of" . She found out today that she will not require anything further like chemo or radiation. She is VERY relieved.

So... I am not sure what this rambling is all about or even what it should be called. I guess I need to acknowledge to myself and cyberspace (and my two devoted readers) that I am really freaked out and completely unsure of what to do or say or feel or think or ask.

I will try my best to remember to do more asking than telling, more listening than talking and to be gentle. I will give her a manicure and deliver her favorite bread (and hopefully her favorite coffee cake if Mackenzie's has a date/walnut one). I will arrive bearing the most important gift of all. A beautiful, smiling 3-year-old full of stories (she keeps trying to fake me out by telling me there is a frog or a toad in the house and I have fallen for it a few times) and questions (why?) and boundless toddler love.

Yes, we REALLY just want a healthy baby...

I am 21 weeks along. We went to see the midwife today and got to hear the heartbeat again. L does a FABULOUS impression of the sound. This kid is hopping all over the place. Just in the past few days, I can be sitting there and see all this crazy movement all over my belly--- like someone is doing some serious cardio in there.

It is pretty exciting. L and I agree that this feels like a boy to us. I have caught myself several times using the male pronouns. I need to watch myself, though. I really don't have a preference. People seem genuinely shocked (or mistrustful) when I say that. I don't think Papa cares either. So many of our friends and family have struggled through pregnancies and losses and challenging childbirth. We REALLY just want a healthy baby and so far, so good.

The Big Lake

Last weekend, we finally made it over to the Big Lake (Lake Michigan). We live one hour from South Haven so we were able to set out on a whim without much planning.

We headed up to one of our favorite "secret spots" just north of the town of Glenn. (OK, I'll tell you, loyal reader. It is an Allegan county park called "West Side"or "Westport" or something. It has toilets and a playground but isn't ever TOO busy for us.)

The beaches near South Haven are just too jam-packed (think Miami Beach) for our tastes. Moon had a blast getting buried by Papa. The water was actually bearable (usually way too cold for me). The waves were huge and the rip current was rather exciting. Moon had one of those arse-over-head moments near the shore but thankfully Papa was within an arm's reach and scooped her up. Other than all the sand in her ears, she didn't seem to mind too much. It was the perfect "Family Day"-- it really was. One of those mushy days when I was just so in love with both of them, ya know?

Oh my Gawd! 32G!

I realize that I am an incredibly sporadic blogger-- when it comes to frequency as well as topic choice.

I have devoted absolutely no space to a pretty big deal in my life these days. NO... not a boob job. I am pregnant-- 21 weeks along to be exact.

I am feeling really good considering last time around I was able to take naps whenever I wanted and received MUCH more pampering from dear husband. Well, this time around life keeps me... more tired. I do feel great, though. Some of the same issues as last time but now I know lots more about my body and how to manage things.

Except for one thing. My boobs are HUGE and I am only halfway along. Let's not even talk about nursing!

One thing that I did for myself once I was pretty much done nursing (down to "two a days") was that my friend (my well-endowed and long-time nursing co-worker) and I played hooky from work one day and went to visit the famous Margaret at Marshall Field's/Macy's/Hudson's. She is an older (75?) German lady who is NOT afraid to feel you up. I had gone through my life in ill-fitting bras and have decided that 90% of women must do the same.

I had been measured a ton of times--- Victoria Secret, Hudson's, bra shops in outlet malls-- you name it. People always said different things so I would go back to what I thought worked--- 36D. Then I had a kid and everything changed so I asked Margaret to remeasure me. Well, one thing I know for sure is that after having a kid, no one goes from a 36 to 32. Physiologically, it just can't happen. Maybe your rib cage can get bigger but not smaller.

Anyway, she spent over 2 hours with both of us and we came away calling that Tuesday, "the day that changed our lives". I found out that I was a 32D and that very few companies even make that size and that even fewer stores carry it.

So, I have spent the last 18 months in really ugly beige bras that FIT! They don't ride up in back. They actually "lift and separate". They cost a lot of money as I can no longer get deals at Kohl's. I am relegated to the "never-on-sale" Wacoal brand at Macy's. Every few months, I drop $60 on ONE bra and wear it to death. Bras have moved from "Sarah's fanciful spending money account" to the "family necessity account" like eye glasses and dental cleanings.

Well, a few months ago, when I first found out I was pregnant (because of my huge chest I woke up with one day that ached like nothing else could), I lucked out at Marshall's (actually afore-mentioned friend called to tip me off) and hit the jackpot! They had a ton of Wacoal's bras on sale for $20-25. I stocked up on four 32DD as the girls were growing each day.

After several painful weeks of ripping off the bra as soon as possible at the end of each day, I finally went shopping for some new bras. I know the leap from 32DD to 32G may not sound that huge to some but it puts me in the "circus freak" category in my mind. This term came to mind a few weeks ago in that Bali/Hanes store in the outlet mall. It is an entire bra store with nothing but ugly grandma bras. I was sure to find what I needed. After trying on several 32DD that didn't even contain my flesh, I stormed out cussing and in near tears with the term "circus freak" imprinted in my mind. That particular day, I was with my mom and suddenly remembered the same horrible scene from my teen years happening over and over again.

I HATED bra and swimsuit shopping for so long and then, thanks to Margaret, had this brief little window of comfort when I could walk into a store and pick out a bra and have it fit and buy it. Thank you Margaret from the Macy's at Crossroads Mall! (I have already done one of those Customer Reply things that says how awesome she is but I might need to do another.)

She was there the other night as I purchased my 32G. She played chase with my 3-year-old in the racks like a little kid and I went home smelling the comforting scent of old-lady perfume on my shirt from Margaret's hugs.

The Big Payback

Mere minutes ago we were enjoying a relaxing, pre-rest time lunch when L asked Papa a simple enough question (I don't even remember what it was). He paused and said, "Because..." (I think he was fully intending to continue his answer). L jumped in with a snarky, "'Because' is not a reason, Papa."

Ouch! He deserves it, though, and we all laughed our asses off. Of course, I don't think L had any idea why we both found it so hilarious but she loves a good hearty laugh.

This is the first time I have seen her burn him so thoroughly with his own words and I couldn't hold it together. I don't think she even meant to be so snotty. She's right, it isn't a reason.

The "Stephen-ism" that I get often from her that fills me with ire is when I ask, "Will you please do me a favor?" and she replies with, "What is it?"

I live with two of these people now! I have NEVER asked either of them to do anything remotely out of the ordinary-- like clip my toenails for me or scour the garbage can with their toothbrush. It is usually something along the lines of bringing me a screwdriver while I stand on this chair repairing YOUR light bulb or easier still, mopping up the water YOU spilled. Just say, "Yes!" when I ask for help.

Finally, he was on the receiving end of it... Ahhhh....
(I know I am getting an unhealthy amount of pleasure from this-- Oh well.)

Shutterbug

Last post of the day, I promise.

L took some photos today and I wanted to include them for your viewing enjoyment. They are:

1) Photo of Mama and Papa that she took in early morning mist after we each posed with her.

2) Photo of tent drying in the sun near Steven's house.

3) Photo of the "pretty trees" near her favorite log.

The Best 4th (and 5th) of July Ever

Let me begin by saying that this holiday does not carry the kind of expectations that other holidays do for me. I kind of hate fireworks. Sure, they are pretty and all but I generally consider them a colossal waste of money and would rather just get together for a cook-out without the forced need to stay up past dark (10:30pm in these parts) and run the risk of a late night visit to the ER with your drunk Uncle Mickey who was trying to show off.

Since we bought this house in 2003, my loathing for the alleged "holiday" has grown. Our neighbors don't just blow up things for the hour or two on either side of dusk on the 4th itself. The folks in this neighborhood blow up things for weeks preceding the 4th and do it all night long. You'll be lying there asleep after hours of it and some punter will start up again at 3:30am complete with howling and applause for himself. My anger at this behavior was only made worse in recent years by the birth of our child for whom I expect complete and total silence after 7:30pm EVERY night, I don't care how close we are to Indiana and its loosey-goosey fireworks laws!

This year, I suggested a camping trip but the Papa did not bite. Understandably, he did not want to brave a different kind of idiocy---drunk, late night camping idiocy with only a thin nylon sheet separating you from the revelers.

Mid-week, we had this fabulous idea! We decided to invite ourselves to our friend's house in the country for dinner and camp in his back yard! This friend, Steven, and I played phone tag all week and in the end, we headed out to his place on the afternoon of the 4th (after a fun-filled day of bike-riding and swinging--see below). As it turns out, this normally anti-social bachelor had invited all sorts of people and we ended up with a rollicking party on his back deck. Pesto minutes fresh from the garden, sweet peas, brats, chicken on the grill, watermelon and of course, L's first taste of the heaven that is s'mores.

This is a picture of L being helped by my friend Sheila who claims to really hate kids. Whatever, Sheila: I have proof and it is going out all over cyberspace.

The evening of the 4th was a hugely successful good time. We headed to bed just as L seemed to be hitting that comatose stage when I normally anticipate full meltdown. We got bundled up and zipped ourselves in the tent, watched the sunset out of the mesh window, listened to the beginning of the fireworks craziness and fell asleep. I was a little concerned that my little creature of habit would struggle getting to sleep without her Bath Snack Book routine but we just held hands and snuggled and she was out before the real craziness began.

I think I thought folks out in the country didn't do fireworks. WRONG! Our friend Steven lives out there in the POBox-only country (as opposed to developed-subdivison-on-old-farmland country) and folks had PLENTY of illegal fireworks. The great thing was they shot them all off at dusk or close to it so there were done by 11:30 or so. No Vine Neighborhood TET Offensive to which I had grown accustomed. We all slept well all night long (with the exception of Papa's bouts of tent-induced claustrophobia but that is another blog).

We woke to a beautiful sunny, misty morning. L squatted in the field for her morning pee (I get a huge kick out of the fact that she is a pro at squatting to pee in outdoorsy settings). Blue the Dog came to visit us early. We followed her down to the house with the intention of asking Steven to join us at a nearby greasy spoon for breakfast but he was already cooking the bacon! Seriously, free camping in a gorgeous setting and then breakfast served! DEFINITELY the best set-up a lazy car camper could ask for! (The following photos capture the early morning mist.)

L and I started picking black raspberries and packing things up (this mostly consisted of moving all the dew-soaked stuff to sunny spots for drying) while Steven made us all bacon, fried potatoes (in bacon grease) and scrambled eggs with herbs fresh from the garden. L got to help pick the herbs and find frogs and hug Blue the Dog a lot and try to catch Mia the Cat.

All in all, I think the best part of it was watching her little self head up the hill (with just Blue by her side) knowing that the worst that might happen would be a bug bite or a scratch. Raising a kid in the city wears on me sometimes and it was so wonderful to watch her be so free and safe and enjoying every second of all that nature has to offer her.

The Bike

L's little friend G is so amazingly generous with her. When I told G's mom that we were in the market for a 2-wheeler bike this past spring, G promptly hauled out and dusted off her teeny-tiny Dora bike and pink butterfly helmet.

It only took her mom and I 2 months to get the girls together for the hand-off-- but what a gift-giving event it was! Here are some pics of the girls riding around on their bikes. They rode a few doors down to cruise the track (and swing!) at G's school park.

She is 2 1/2 years older than L and always referred to L as her "little sister". Some months we do a better job than others of getting them together but whenever we do, I am reminded how great they are together. G is such a gentle little soul and so kind to L. She seems especially to get a kick out of handing off her really special toys/gear for L to enjoy. L's all-time favorite dolls still consist of one of the "twins" G gave her years ago. An amazingly sweet testament to their friendship, I think. (Explanation: The "twins" are two identical dolls from Target but one is lily-white like L and the other is light brown like G and I think it is the sweetest thing in the world every time she refers to them as "the twins".)

Story Time

So... our digital camera has video with audio but the audio is always garbled. Here is the hilarious cuteness translated:

L reading about Poppleton to her twins-- GraceBaby and Baby. Notices me and after a long pause, says, "Don't take my picture right now. I am reading to my babies."

I can hardly take her hilarity sometimes.

The Pinata Syndrome

It has been a good week. Luna had her last day of B&R preschool last week. We celebrated with a field trip to a local park. This was just the beginning of my long strange trip obsessing about my daughter's social interactions. B&R is such a sweet little hippy-dippy place. The teachers have mostly been there for decades and they work so hard to create a loving safe space for the kids. One of the reasons I was initially attracted to the place is because they actively work to downplay so much of the commercialized gender crap that kids are swimming in these days. I know firsthand that no matter how hard you can consciously (and unconsciously) work to alleviate some of these pressures, you might end up with a princess or a hardcore hulk. However, I love to find little havens safe from the reach of Disney's evil empire. I digress.



Anyway, we went on this little field trip and I realized it was the first time I had really observed L in her everyday social setting. We have some of her school buddies over occasionally but barring a birthday party or something, I rarely see her with more than one other kid. She seemed to have fun but I was so surprised to see that she was more timid that I know her to be. I was already getting panicky that I wasn't going to see her teachers every morning and afternoon and wanted to get as much of the inside scoop on her as possible. So that afternoon, I grabbed some of them while all the kiddos slept.



Many of my initial concerns were allayed. According to them, she is a bit more timid than some kids in physically challenging situations (another surprise) but she definitely stands up for herself. This was good for me to hear. The moment that crushed my heart earlier that day was one in which her "best friend" really said some crappy stuff to her and she just took it. All that, "you're not my friend" crap that really seems rampant right now in her peer group. I was just shocked to see her take it and this kid continue being very exclusive and mean (at 3!). So... the teachers stroked my ego a bit and told me how bright and sensitive and perceptive L is and how I needn't worry. Some concrete ideas they gave me had to do with setting up opportunities of L to cultivate some other friendships (this "best friend" is the daughter of friends so we all hang out a LOT and I don't see the same level of shittiness when it is just the two of them). Anyway, all that to say that here are some cute pics of the whole gang that day at the park.
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Let the sociological observations begin! So, our first OFFICIAL week of summer together. We did some kid-swapping/helping out with some other families so we were busy and not lacking for social interactions (of the toddler kind--- I could have used a little more adult interaction I think). L started swim lessons this past week and that ran M-Th and will again next week. We went to the library, the park numerous times, endured some crazy huge t-storms, went out to lunch with Papa, baked a blueberry buckle, read a TON of books, had mildly successful "rest times" each day (that means snuggling and quiet reading with no sleeping). I think we are finally falling into a routine and that feels comfortable to me. I still need to be working a bit here and there and have yet to figure that out, but oh well, here's my blog instead!

As for the social stuff, I wear Papa down in the evenings with all my theories/observations. All in all, she is just such a kind kid but I am a little concerned about her being TOO kind, ya know? We have just never concentrated on her asserting herself. I thought it would just happen but watching her with other kids, I realize she gets NO encouragement. I have dubbed it the "pinata syndrome". Poor thing. We have now been to two gatherings in her short life with pinatas. I kinda hate pinatas so I have never instructed her on what happens or how to behave and so when they bust open, she just stands there wide-mouthed watching kids shove each other around for scraps of shit I don't want her to have anyway. I have watched parents (one was at a hippy-dippy co-op party for chrissakes!) tell their kids to just "grab and go!" and "be ready to get as much as you can!"

Our poor little sweetheart has been conditioned (and possibly genetically pre-disposed by her Papa) to be so mellow and kind. She has been told so many times by that one "friend" that she is not her friend anymore that when we had another kid over this week, she was constantly asking her, "are you still my friend?" The second girl just responded with simple explanations like, "Yes, I am your friend. I just don't want to play that right now." I have been trying to explain to L that you can still be friends even if you are upset with someone but she still reverts to this panicky state whenever people (including me) seem cross with her.

Oy vey! I didn't know I was going to have to worry about her social status at 3! I already have enough angst/worry/terror about her foray into middle school. Does it really have to get so catty so soon? I just want a confident, happy kid. Hopefully, a summer of sleeping in (in my dreams!) and goofing off all day with me telling her how amazing she is to me will help L find some of that. Wish us luck (suggestions are welcome too)!